STUFF YOU DON’T HEAR MUCH ANY MORE

And now, as a public service: Stuff You Don’t Hear People Say Much Any More…

• I bid one thousand dollars on that crayon drawing of Indianapolis!


• Those dancers are craptastic!


• Yes, I’ll have a second helping of the sea anemone!


• That swimsuit model just pooped in her pants!


• I’ve finished sandpapering the driveway!


• Charlie Sheen! What a talent!

And finally…

• Of course I’ll pay extra for the undercoating! Thanks for suggesting it!

Spring has Sprung, Flowers (and guys) are Up!

(Noted expert Professor Info VonPoop has been looking into the connection between the arrival of spring and the turning of young men's fancies. Here are the results of that study.)

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It’s spring, when a young man’s fancy turns to – NASCAR. Or, if you’re slightly older, baseball. But no matter what time of year it is, guys still want to get laid. In doing research on the topic of love, I turned to the place where many of my philosophical questions are answered – the many channels of Sirius-XM Satellite Radio.

• Over on the 60s Channel, John Lennon told me all I need is love.
• On the 70s Channel, Gary Wright told me his love is alive!
• On the 80s Channel, Pat Benetar told me that love is a battlefield. Then Alan Hunter told me love is an MTV royalty check. Then Nina Blackwood said something I couldn’t understand.
• On Classic Vinyl, Mick Jagger told me love is a bitch.
• Howard Stern said love had something to do with breasts and penises, both large.
• Martha Stewart says love, quiche and potting sheds are all good things.
• I don’t know what Oprah says about love, ‘cause i didn’t pay extra to get “The Best Of XM” channel.

I hope this helps.

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