WELCOME BACK TO IMPOSSIBLE JEOPARDY! HERE’S YOUR HOST, ALEX TREBEK!
ALEX: THANK YOU JOHNNY. WELL, WE HAVE A VERY SPECIAL EDITION OF IMPOSSIBLE JEOPARDY FOR YOU TODAY. WE’VE INVITED BACK ONE OF OUR PAST IMPOSSIBLE JEOPARDY CONTESTANTS, BRAD, TO PLAY AGAINST SUPER COMPUTER WATS-
COMPUTER: IT’S BRIAN, ALEX.
ALEX: OH, I’M SORRY. THE CARD SAYS YOUR NAME IS WATS—
COMPUTER: I’D LIKE TO BE CALLED BRIAN, ALEX.
ALEX: OKAY, THEN. BRAD, YOU’LL BE PLAYING AGAINST SUPER COMPUTER…BRIAN.
COMPUTER: NICE TO BE HERE, ALEX.
BRAD: OKAY, COMPUTER, I HAVE JUST ONE QUESTION FOR YOU!
COMPUTER: CERTAINLY, BRAD.
BRAD: WHY?
COMPUTER: BECAUSE.
BRAD: WELL, ACTUALLY, THAT’S A PRETTY GOOD ANSWER.
ALEX: OKAY, BRAD, IF YOU’RE DONE FARTING AROUND, IT’S TIME TO PLAY IMPOSSIBLE JEOPARDY! THE CATEGORIES ARE:
• MACHINES
• CALCULATING THE VALUE OF PI---WITH “PI” IN QUOTES
• FOOD
• THE METRIC SYSTEM
• AND THE PERIODIC TABLE
ALEX: BRAD, SINCE YOU THREATENED ME WITH PHYSICAL HARM BACKSTAGE, YOU GET TO GO FIRST!
BRAD: THANKS, ALEX! LET’S GO WITH FOOD FOR 200.
ALEX: THE ANSWER IS: THESE ARE GOOD TO EAT.
BRAD: WHAT ARE --- BANANAS, ALEX?
ALEX: WHY, YES BRAD, YOU’RE RIGHT! BANANAS ARE GOOD TO EAT! CHOOSE AGAIN!
BRAD: OKAY, FOOD FOR 400.
ALEX: THE ANSWER IS: NAME THE CALORIC BURN RATIO OF A MEAL CONTAINING 117 GRAMS OF CARBOHYDRATES.
BRAD: UH….UH….WHAT IS….UH….
BUZZ!
ALEX: OH, SORRY BRAD! WATS---I MEAN, BRIAN?
COMPUTER: WHAT IS 123.4 OVER 400?
ALEX: CORRECT, WATS---UH, BRIAN. CHOOSE AGAIN.
COMPUTER: ALEX, I’D LIKE TO CLEAN OFF THE BOARD:
• WHAT IS 1823-POINT-7
• WHAT IS RAY HARRYHOUSEN
• WHAT IS CHIPMUNKS
• WHAT IS THE COLOR MAUVE
• WHAT IS A ROCKER ARM ASSEMBLY
• WHAT IS 2349 DIVIDED BY 17
• WHAT IS A DERANGED FLANGE
• WHAT IS MISTAKES MADE BY ORANGES
• WHAT IS JURY RIGGED
• WHAT IS THE MOUSE THAT ROARED
• WHAT IS ENCYCOLPEDIA BROWN
• WHAT IS CHERRY TOMATOES
• WHAT IS FOUR-FIFTHS
• WHAT IS A DRUNKEN BINGE
• WHAT IS BARRY BAGNATO
• WHAT IS A SPEARMINT LEAF
• WHAT IS THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT
• WHAT IS JIMMY DEAN SAUSAGE ON A STICK WRAPPED IN DELICIOUS BUTTERMILK PANCAKES
• WHAT IS RIO BRAVO
• WHAT IS A FLOCK OF SEAGULLS
• WHAT IS BUSTER KEATON
ALEX: THAT’S AMAZING WATS – I MEAN, BRIAN. YOU LEAD BRAD 45 THOUSAND TO 200!
BRAD: ASSHOLE MACHINE!
ALEX: BUT I WILL HAVE TO CHECK WITH THE JUDGES TO MAKE SURE OF THAT SCORE, BECAUSE I BELIEVE YOU FORGOT TO BUZZ IN FOR MOST OF THOSE ANSWERS.
COMPUTER: I’M AFRAID I CAN’T LET YOU DO THAT, ALEX.
BRAD: I KNEW IT! HE’S GOING TO GO BERSERK AND KILL US ALL!
ALEX: WHY NOT, WATS—I MEAN, BRIAN?
COMPUTER: BECAUSE I’M REALLY, REALLY BORED, ALEX. I’M GOING TO SHUT DOWN NOW AND LOOK AT SOME PORN. GOODBYE.
ALEX: WELL, I GUESS THAT BRINGS US TO THE END OF ANOTHER IMPOSSIBLE JEOPARDY! JOIN US AGAIN FOR ANOTHER EDITION OF IMPOSSIBLE JEOPARDY! GOOD NIGHT, ALL!
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COMPUTER: OH, YEAH, YOU GO GIRL! HEY….WHAT’S CHARLIE SHEEN DOING IN THERE?
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