Old Wives Tales UPDATE!

Hey, maybe my grandmother had something there.  At least, the part about cuts in the mouth healing faster.  Here's a quote from an article written for the Oral Cancer Foundation:

Saliva, science has revealed, is much more than water. It is packed with proteins that help control the teeming hordes of microbes in our mouths. It is stuffed with substances that make our spit stringy, stop our teeth from dissolving and help heal wounds.

Here's a link to the whole article:

http://www.oralcancerfoundation.org/dental/wonders_of_saliva.htm

So thanks, grandma.  It rained on Easter Sunday of 2013, so I'm keeping watch on the next 7.  Just in case.

Old Wives Tales, Holiday Edition

You wouldn't have pegged my grandmother as an ornery sort, but she was.  Must've been that Irish blood.  When, as a college student, I visited England and Ireland, she raved over even the most innocuous photo I showed her of the Irish countryside, but she didn't want to see even one photo of London.

As an old wife of long standing, she had all the required "old wives tales" stored away in her brain, ready to brandish at a moment's notice. For example, she took my mother, myself and my two brothers Christmas shopping when I was about five or six, and of course we stopped to sit on Santa's lap.  When we were done sharing our Christmas lists with the old guy, he gave us each a piece of candy.  I got a clear red little ball that shattered into little hot cinnamon-y pieces when I bit into it. One of those pieces gave me a little cut on the inside of my cheek, and the hot cinnamon just aggravated the cut.  I spit the pieces out and whimpered, which was enough to send my grandmother into action. She walked right back up to Santa, chastised him for giving a little child candy that would cut his mouth and demanded a softer piece.  She came back with soft taffy and another of her comforting scientific facts:  "Cuts in your mouth heal faster." I've never really seen any scientific proof for or against that, but it worked so well I used it on my kids a few times.

I caught her once.  I was about fourteen, crammed in a car with cousins and an aunt and my mother and grandmother, one of a chain of cars full of cousins and aunts that was making the trip between church and the home of one of those aunts for Easter brunch. It was raining, and my grandmother said in her best "tsk tsk" voice that it was too bad, because legend has it that if it rains on Easter, it rains for seven Easters after that.

"Then we'd never have a dry Easter," I said from the back seat.  "Because if it rains next Easter, then that sets off the next set of seven rainy Easters, and the next one will start seven more rainy Easters, and on and on and on. It's perpetual."

My grandmother was silent in the front seat, but I don't think it was because she agreed with me, or was astounded by my brilliance.  I believe she was fuming. She never did directly address my comment, deciding instead to point out as we drove by, that there was a house with a lovey lilac bush near the front door, and mustn't that smell lovely in the summer.

I decided she just didn't hear me and left it at that.  I probably should have just bit my lip.  I understand cuts in your mouth heal faster.

Christmas Memories 3

Christmas Day may be gone, but the memories linger on... especially for Musical Innertube Staff Meteorologist Dee Frost.

Say What?

So let me get this straight: Wayne LaPierre of the NRA blames violent movies, TV and video games for the killing sprees, and his solution to the problem is straight out of shoot 'em up westerns and TV cop shows -- "The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun."

If anyone needs to have his worldview questioned, it's Wayne LaPierre.

Which got us to thinking -- what if a beloved Christmas character thought just like Wayne LaPierre?

How To Cope With Holiday Stress

Christmas is just a few days away.  You have cards to mail. Presents to buy. Treats to bake. Dinner to plan.  You feel s-t-r-e-s-s-e-d.

Which, of course, is no way to feel during the hap-happiest time of the year! A time of cheer and joy and good will to men!

So here's a guaranteed, sure-fire way to relieve the stress of the holidays.  Listen, take the advice, relax in your favorite chair near a roaring fire (in the fireplace), pour yourself a glass of egg nog and take a deep breath.  You can wait 'til later to thank me.

Ho ho ho!

Christmas Memories 2

As I may have mentioned earlier, on my podcast, The Musical Innertube, I've got staff members up The Wazoo (The Wazoo, of course, being the name of our stylish office building in Rochester, New Hampshire).  

One of them is Sports Director Jim Shorts.  Jim's big claim to fame (besides being able to twist his left arm into the shape of a pretzel) is that he played center on the C.W. Post University football team (the Post Toasties!) that won the 1968 Cereal Bowl.

Here is his Christmas Memory (tm).

What To Get the Hard-To-Buy-For Kid

Over the past few Christmas seasons, kids had to have Beany Babies or Cabbage Patch Kids or Tickle Me Elmo.  This year, it's "Car Crash!"

Christmas Memories 1

On my podcast, The Musical Innertube, I'm aided and abetted (not necessarily in that order) by a wonderful staff of warm, caring individuals.  

(Hey, everyone, that's your Christmas bonus!  Please enjoy!)

Staff Inventor Ed Isson comes from a long line of geniuses.  His father invented aluminum ripple ice cream.

Here's his Christmas Memory(tm).

The Giving Time of Year

Here's good holiday advice from George Michael and friends about the pitfalls of holiday giving.

Looks Like Rain, Dear

Leave it to the Old Storyteller to know the REAL story of Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer! (By the way, is it just me, or does it seem weird that in the late 1940s, when Communists were under every rock and around every corner, we get a lovable Christmas character named Rudolph?  Whose main attribute is a RED nose?  Just sayin'.)

Santa's Hotline

Why is is that toddlers cry when they're put on Santa's lap? It's supposed to be fun!  A time when kids can tell the jolly old elf from the North Pole what toys they want him to deliver on Christmas Eve. What could be more delightful than a jolly grandfather bringing you free toys?

Well, first off,  a large man with a big bushy beard has got to be incredibly scary to a little kid.  Second, your parents WILLINGLY hand you over to him and then walk away!  

For me, the scares didn't end there.  My mother used to keep me in line with the old "Santa is watching you, so you'd better be good or you won't get any toys on Christmas!" warning. Except I took it to heart.  I remember being 4 or 5 and scared to death to look out my bedroom window at night for fear I'd see Santa peeking back in.  Some kids were afraid of the Boogeyman -- I was afraid of Santa.

So here's where Santa gets payback for scaring me.

Christmas Thoughts

Here's what I think when I think "Christmas."  (Actually, I think there's egg nog involved as well.)