MARTHA: This beautiful fall weather just has everyone in the mood for pumpkins. Today I'm going to show you how to pick the perfect pumpkin. I am in Indiana, which - as you know - is the number one pumpkin producing state in the nation. And this lovely pumpkin patch belongs to Pete Moss who has grown prize winning pumpkins for how long now?
PETE: Actually Martha my family has been taking the blue ribbon at the State Fair for 3 generations now.
MARTHA: Well,Pete, there are certainly plenty of beautiful pumpkins as far as the eye can see here in your field. Now as we all know the best pumpkin should be perfectly round, just the right shade of orange and weigh between 5 and 5-and-a-quarter pounds.
PETE: Like this nice looking pumpkin here Martha.
MARTHA: Oh, yes, Pete, That IS the perfect shape! But -- do you see there's this little blemish right here – so that one won't do. Let's toss it on our reject pile, shall we? (SFX SQUISH)
PETE: Gee, Martha, that one took awhile to grow…. uh, how about this one?
MARTHA: Now, this one looks rather nice! Let me just check the color with my Pumpkin Perfection Color Chart which is part of the Martha Stewart line at Macys. Oh no, see, it's just a little bit too light. On to the reject pile it goes! (SFX SQUISH)
PETE: I wish you wouldn't smash, those, Martha! I can still get good money for them from...
MARTHA: Nonsense, Pete! No one wants to purchase less than perfect pumpkins. Now, this one looks like it might work…. no – it feels like its 5-and-a-half pounds which makes it a quarter-pound too heavy. On to the reject pile!
PETE: Hey, I asked to you to stop throw-- (SFX SQUISH)
MARTHA: Sorry, Pete. Next time stand over there. Now, this pumpkin would never do – see how the sections here are not all perfectly the same size? (SFX SQUISH) And this one is too flat on the top….(SFX SQUISH) …the stem on this one leans towards the back of the pumpkin instead of to the side….(SFX SQUISH) … this one is more beach-ball round and we are looking for volley-ball round (SFX SQUISH)
PETE: Dad gum it, Martha, you've just destroyed half a dozen perfectly fine pumpkins!
MARTHA: No, Pete, I've just kept half a dozen people from making terrible, terrible mistakes!
PETE: Know, what, Martha? I think YOU need to visit the reject pile!
(SFX THROWS MARTHA ON SQUISHY PUMPKINS)
PETE: Now THAT'S a good thing!
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