The Old Storyteller Gets Fired

HI THERE, BOYS AND GIRLS! IT’S YOUR OLD PAL, THE OLD STORYTELLER, HERE WITH ANOTHER FABLE FOR YOU ALL TA HEAR. THIS ONE IS CALLED “THE MAGIC HANDLE.”
ONE DAY, A FAIRY GODMOTHER WAS AT A CASINO, WHEN SHE----

HANG ON, HANG ON, STOP THE MUSIC! I’M SORRY, I JUST CAN’T DO THIS. I’M TOO UPSET. YOU SEE, BOYS AND GIRLS, THE OLD STORYTELLER WAS FIRED YESTERDAY FROM HIS JOB AS A GREETER AT MEGA-MART. TELL YOU WHAT, I’LL TELL YOU THAT STORY, AND YOU CAN TELL ME IF I WAS RIGHT OR I WAS WRONG.

WE’LL CALL THIS STORY, “THE DAY THE GIANT CORPORATION SQUISHED THE OLD STORYTELLER.”

I WAS DOING MY USUAL THING, GREETING PEOPLE AS THEY CAME TO SHOP AT THE MEGA MART, WHEN SUDDENLY THIS LOUD, UGLY LADY COMES BARGIN’ INTA THE STORE, DRAGGING TWO LOUD, UGLY, SCREAMIN’ KIDS BEHIND HER. AND THE WHOLE TIME SHE’S GETTING A SHOPPIN’ CART SHE’S SWEARIN’ AT THE KIDS REALLY LOUD. SO, BEIN’ A GREETER, THE OLD STORYTELLER DOES WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO DO. I GO UP TO THE UGLY LADY WITH THE SCREAMIN’ KIDS AND I SAY, “HEY, THANKS FOR SHOPPIN’ AT MEGA-MART. NICE SET OF TWINS YOU GOT THERE.”

WELL, THE LOUD AND UGLY LADY GETS LOUDER AND EVEN UGLIER. SHE SCREAMS AT ME, “THIS KID’S SEVEN, AND THIS KID’S THREE. ARE YOU BLIND OR ARE YOU JUST STUPID? WHAT THE HELL MAKES YOU THINK THEY’RE TWINS?”

SO I SAYS, “I THOUGHT THEY WERE TWINS BECAUSE I COULDN’T BELIEVE ANYONE WOULD HAVE SEX WITH YOU TWICE. HAVE A NICE DAY!”

AND THEY FIRED ME FOR THAT! I ASK YOU, BOYS AND GIRLS, WAS THAT FAIR?

OKAY, WELL, I’LL BE BACK NEXT WEEK WITH ANOTHER FABLE. THAT ONE’S CALLED “THE ENCHANTED LAWSUIT.” SEEYA!

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